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Men / Relationships

So Your Partner is a Swinger: How I Adapted to This Amazing Lifestyle?

Swingers
I went on a date with a girl once. We met online, as is not uncommon these days. After all, we rely on Netflix for entertainment, Grubhub for our dinner, and Amazon for our dildos and craft-made Belgian waffle irons. And dating online isn’t really a new concept. But who you meet…well, that landscape is forever changing. You see the girl I met that night was involved in a world that I had never explored, but certainly had been fascinated with, and for all intents and purposes knew nothing of the 21st century goings-on. You see, she’s a Swinger.
 
I am 80’s child, which means by the time I was in my formative years, the idea of sex being prevalent in society was really no longer a taboo.  T.V., movies and advertisements were all about sex and sexual appeal. It sold it, it touched on it, but it really didn’t understand it. And when I first heard the phrase “Swinger Party”, like most my age, images of fish bowls filled with car keys, shag carpeted basements, and paisley leisure suits came to mind. But that is no longer (for the most part) the case. Plus, at this point (and true story) I knew that my dad and his new wife were swingers, so how far off could I be?
 
For the record, my dad and his wife are fucking awesome.
So, I have this date with this girl that I met online. We had exchanged e-mails and texts and got along quite well. She picked me up for our first date, and like many first dates, we went to a local bar. Before we went in and engaged in what I thought would be a pretty standard first date scenario, I has a cigarette on the bench outside. We sat down, and as she opened her mouth to what I thought would be some foray into some small talk she said this:
 
“Just so we’re clear, I am an open, polyamourous bi-sexual swinger. If you have a problem with that, I totally understand. But if so, we should probably just end the date now.”
 
I thought for just a moment, then responded
 
“Let’s go grab a drink.”
 
At the time I was game for anything, but just didn’t know EXACTLY what I was getting myself into. Was I ready for a sexually open, and more importantly, open emotionally and heart on my sleeve honest relationship? The short answer is yes, but I’m still figuring it out.
 
Our third date was at a full fledged swinger party, and I was nervous as hell. I had no clue what protocol was! Do I take off my clothes as soon as I go through the door? Do I negotiate the terms and conditions with the first couple we meet? If I’m interested in a lady, is it okay to talk to her directly, or should I make nice with her husband/boyfriend/date first like some awkward pimp/john transaction?
WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?!?!
 
But after I assessed the situation, and realized that it was a very amicable social situation, I began to relax. Sure, most of us were there with the understanding that sex might be on the horizon, but until then, striking up a conversation with anyone was easy.
 
Then, after we had made our rounds and met some people, my date ran right up to me as I was grabbing a drink and proclaimed:
 
“It’s my friend’s birthday tonight and I’m gonna go give him a blow job. Are you okay with that?”
 
“Yeah, totally!”
 
I immediately said yes because initially, and just for a second, I wanted to fit in and seem cool with it. But right after that second, I realized that I really was cool with it. I was at a swinger party and my date checked in with me and let me know her intentions and made sure everything was consensual. And at that moment I not only fell in love with the lifestyle and knew that that’s what I had been looking for, but I fell in love with her. True story. We ended up having amazing sex later that night and I told her I loved her the next morning at brunch. Lucky for me she actually said it back!
 
This type of relationship is not for everyone. My more “conventional” friends whom I divulge my exploits to would agree. And aside from the benefit of having the permission AS WELL AS the encouragement from my partner to responsibly explore my sexuality, the truly amazing aspect of a relationship like this that I have discovered is being able to honestly share ALL of my thoughts, feelings, desires and impulses free of judgement. I’m not an expert on the subject of swinging, and I doubt that I will ever be because there are still things that confuse the hell out of me. I will say that if you and your partner care to explore this lifestyle, first love each other. Then, love the joy they experience with others, and bring that energy back to one another.

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1 Comment

  1. Profile photo of Nikki Bella

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