Relationships

Don’t Judge a Girl by Her Number

Every sexually active person in America has been asked their number. Not their contact information, but the number of sexual partners they’ve had. The question may come from a friend, lover, casual hookup, or a medical professional; but the question always comes. (Even if you don’t with every partner.) A lot of people feel the need to fib about this number; making it more or less depending on who they’re talking to and the situation. In the Sex Positive Lifestyle it’s common for people to not have an exact count when asked their number. Many people that have been asked, say they focus on each experience instead of the notches on the bed post. It’s not unusual for those that are sexually aware and open to have numbers in triple digits. Here, there is no judgment. As ...

Unicorn Hunting: Catch and Release

According to the Urban Dictionary: Unicorn Noun Colloquial; Synonym for hot bi babe or HBB, often derogatory, condescending, or ironic. A bisexualperson, usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple. The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous. Because of the demands that this type of couple places on the woman (that she be single and not take on any additional partners, and become involved with both members of the couple equally, and often “complete” their family as a surrogate mother ...

Get What You Want/Need/Desire

X-Posted from XCBDSM.com and Fetlife.com When counseling people who are struggling with the behavior of their partners, I always default to something that someone told me a long time ago, in a completely unrelated context (business), but it is something that I use as the core of my relationship philosophy: “You will never get what you deserve. You will never get what you want. You will never get what you need. You will only ever get what you negotiate for.” When you assume a standard of conduct or manufacture a set of expectations for your partner without talking to them, regardless of why you assume or expect those things, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If it’s important to you that your partners do certain things, you have to ask them and get their agreement. No one owes...

So Your Partner is a Swinger: How I Adapted to This Amazing Lifestyle?

I went on a date with a girl once. We met online, as is not uncommon these days. After all, we rely on Netflix for entertainment, Grubhub for our dinner, and Amazon for our dildos and craft-made Belgian waffle irons. And dating online isn’t really a new concept. But who you meet…well, that landscape is forever changing. You see the girl I met that night was involved in a world that I had never explored, but certainly had been fascinated with, and for all intents and purposes knew nothing of the 21st century goings-on. You see, she’s a Swinger.   I am 80’s child, which means by the time I was in my formative years, the idea of sex being prevalent in society was really no longer a taboo.  T.V., movies and advertisements were all about sex and sexual appeal. It sold it, it touched on it, but ...

Why Watching Porn Together Can Be Good For Your Relationship

Conventional wisdom tells us that porn consumption is not only damaging to our psyches, but also destructive to monogamous relationships. Best friends, parents, clergymen, and therapists — all folks who have our best interests in mind — often try to steer us away from temptations such as porn, believing they are saving our relationships. But who says porn is so damaging to monogamous unions? Before we consign it to the relationship deal breaker dustbin, perhaps we should re-examine our prejudices about porn to see if it’s really as bad as everyone says it is. Salon columnist Tracy Clark-Flory recently tackled this very subject in “Does porn hurt relationships?” Clark-Flory cites a highly suspect survey conducted by the folks at Cosmopolitan, who seem to be taking a break from offering sill...

How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex? You’d Be Surprised

It’s often thought that when you tie the knot, your sex life all but dies. From hectic work schedules to kids’ demands, roadblocks to doing the deed can seem endless. You may find yourself wondering, “Is our sex life normal?” We’re here to tell you that there is no normal — sex is different for every couple. Don’t believe us? A Reddit thread popped up this week asking married folks to weigh in on how often they have sex. We separated the answers into three categories, based on how long the couples have been married. Some of the answers may surprise you: Married 0-7 years: 1. “I’m 33, he’s 29. Married one year, together for 3, one kid. Sex happens on average once a week.” 2. “My husband and I have been married almost three years and have a baby. We have sex twice a week on average, sometime...