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Unicorn Hunting: Catch and Release

Unicorn Hunting: Catch and Release
According to the Urban Dictionary:
Unicorn Noun

Colloquial; Synonym for hot bi babe or HBB, often derogatory, condescending, or ironic. A bisexualperson, usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple.

The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous. Because of the demands that this type of couple places on the woman (that she be single and not take on any additional partners, and become involved with both members of the couple equally, and often “complete” their family as a surrogate mother and housekeeper and/or breadwinner and not do anything that may threaten or disrupt the existing couple), many in the poly community call this type of woman a “unicorn“, as in mythical and not likely to be found, even though there are plenty of bipoly women around.

Sometimes the unicorn is expected to not develop any emotional attachment and is strictly there for a sexual relationship (equally distributed to both members of the dyad) and/or is prescripted as a secondary. This term is used as a reminder that bipoly women are people with their own desires, needs, and pre-existing lives, and not fantasy figures or pets. See related prescriptive vs. descriptive.

  Well boys and girls, how does this definition make you feel? Do you feel like a formidable hunter? Like this is exactly what you were looking for? Or do you as “hunters” feel a slight twinge of guilt or shame that this is the definition for Unicorn set forth by our culture? I don’t know about you, but as a alternative sex enthusiast this definition makes me feel a bit disheartened.
 As a unicorn who has been around the kink and swing scene for a while, I’d like to provide some insight to couples looking to add a “unicorn” to their experience.

Be mindful of your approach

Unicorns are very sensitive and can easily discern your intention from the tone of your voice or text, your body language, and who in your couple approaches them. Unicorns in mythology typically only interact with innocent virginal maidens. You should translate it to this: have the female initiate contact and approach her with sincere intention. She will know if one half of the couple is less interested in this endeavor than the other. Have everything right and in balance between you both as a couple because she will pick up on any stress or discomfort from either person.

Attempt to know her not her body

Unicorns are people too. Whether you are looking for a one night stand or a third to bring into your poly community you should treat her as a person who you are trying to find compatibility and chemistry with. Yes you as a couple have each other and you can take solace in that when it’s all said and done you will still  have that core unit to return to, she also is her own core unit and deserves just as much respect as your relationship does. Disrespecting her “core unit” by ignoring what she shares with you that isn’t sexual or won’t lead to sex is a sure fire way to scare her off. 

Don’t Use Force

Yes, attractive bisexual unattached women are rare! But those are only 3 adjectives that make up and entire person… there are a LOT more things that compose her person that might NOT mesh with you as a couple or even just one of you. If you aren’t feeling it because of her or because of yourself or your partner STOP. There’s almost nothing worse than group sex that feels forced or disconnected. If the unicorn doesn’t fit with you, don’t ruin her experience by forcing it to happen, let her run free for other couples to pursue. 

Be Respectful

One of my favorite pastimes is to take the drinks and other incentives offered to me by drooling couples and go back to my own room. Respect her as a person, don’t make it obvious that you would take ANY unicorn back to your room. And don’t lead with offering to get them liquored up. If you need to be in an alternate mind state or need to get them altered to make it happen you are not respecting them or yourself. Mind your manners, flatter them in a respectful way and wait for them to indicate to you that it would be okay to be a little more nasty with your words or that a drink or other activities would be appropriate. 

Release after you catch

Let them be themselves which means they aren’t yours. They weren’t yours before and they aren’t yours after. Respect that they might have other play partners or couples that they interact with and even if they don’t, you should put the same thought, care and effort into every approach to them regardless if its your first time with them or your tenth. Being a unicorn can be difficult, make her feel cherished with every interaction and know that she is most beautiful when she is roaming freely. 

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